What is your puppy learning about abscences?

Puppy season is on the way, a time when many puppies go to their new homes. It's heartening to see that people are now thinking about how to prevent their puppies from developing separation fears. Years ago, separation anxiety was rarely talked about, and I shudder to think how many dogs went through hell with no-one giving it a second thought.

Recently, I’ve been thinking about the best way to help puppies feel safe during absences. I’ve noticed people talking about getting their puppies 'used to being alone,' which seems logical. However, from the puppy’s point of view, wouldn’t it make more sense to teach them that you always come back? I’m convinced this simple shift in thinking makes a huge difference to a puppy’s experience.

The Problem with the Usual Advice

Most people start by leaving for a few arbitrary minutes or shutting their puppy in another room. You’ve probably seen that kind of advice. The puppy might suddenly learn that being alone is not a good thing at all; it’s scary and frustrating.

Instead, let’s start by teaching them you always come back. This can actually be a fun game.

Rather than leaving through the front door, begin by teaching them Object Permanence. This is the concept that an object—or a person—may disappear for a short time but doesn’t cease to exist. It’s something we do instinctively with human babies when we play 'Peekaboo.'

A Better Way to Start

You can begin by putting a soft toy behind your back and then bringing it back into sight. Just like with a baby, a puppy will show signs of recognition and happiness when the toy returns. After a few days, and only once your puppy is comfortable, you can gradually move beyond a door frame and then come back into view.

There is no rush here. Having a dog in your life means slowing down and being more mindful. You have your puppy’s entire life ahead of you. Don’t think of this as a task to be completed, but a pleasant game to be played every so often during the day.

When your puppy is content after peeing, pooping, playing, and eating, and is ready to rest, you can do boring things like tidying up. This helps your puppy get used to you gently moving in and out of sight. Using a baby gate can also help, as they can get used to you disappearing behind it for short periods. These are all small steps to take, long before you ever close a door behind you.

Key Takeaways

Always go at your puppy's pace. You never want to make them feel unsafe. You gain nothing from rehearsing nervousness or testing their limits.

If you always come back before your puppy starts to feel anxious, they will happily learn that your short absences are just a normal part of life. They will always feel safe. So, don’t think so much about leaving; instead, think about coming back.

I wish you a long and happy life with your new puppy.

All the best, Victoria